Time by the Bottle
Every three hours, a struggle ensues in my life between my baby, my breasts and a bottle. It's not pretty.
I had heard how difficult breastfeeding can be, but honestly, I had no idea how this would tear me (and Dave and Carter) apart. Apparently, I had awesome colostrum (the stuff you get before your milk comes in) and now---NO FLOW.
We took Carter to the pediatrician's office for his initial check up on Tuesday (4 days after his birth) and when the doctor came in, she told us she was concerned about his weight. Apparently, most babies lose up to 10% of their body weight in the first few days...Carter had lost 16%. I had to hear the dreaded "you need to supplement with formula". Broke my heart. But, my boy's health is the most important thing, so we got the formula and spent the next day and a half feeding Carter with a teeny syringe to try to get his weight up.
On Wednesday, we met with the lactation consultant who gave us a great bottle to use and lots of tips on how to increase my supply. It's been a week of full-on warfare with my breasts in an attempt to get them to produce the nourishment my baby son needs to survive. You wouldn't believe what is out there to help---nutrition, supplements, tubes, syringes and the most amazing S&M contraption known to woman---the breast pump. I've been feeling hopeful.
Until today.
My supply is dismal-about 1/4 of an ounce per feeding. My baby needs two full ounces per feeding right now. I'll continue to try, but am starting to think that this is just not meant to be for me.
I am inconsolable. In fact, I am crying just typing about it. I want to give my son this precious gift and my body is not responding. I feel like a failure. My son is only 7 days old and already I have failed him. My head knows this is not rational, but my hear is absolutely broken.
We have a follow up appointment with the lactation consultant on Sunday.
